Relationship compatibility is easily one of the most important components in a successful relationship.
I’ve studied relationships in psychology for a couple years in school, and I’m sure have even learned about relationship compatibility. But mainly the focus of this post will be what we personally have found to be some of the most important elements that aid in relationship compatibility.
But first, some background on our relationship. We’ve been together for over two years now. 6 months of that was long distance because of Evan being deployed. We’ve lived together for 8 months. It really doesn’t feel that long. We’re not married yet because we don’t want to make our families fly all the way out to New Mexico for a wedding, so once we live closer to them again, we’ll do that whole shebang. We rarely have arguments and that’s primarily due to our relationship compatibility (and also how we deal with any issues that arise). So besides some of the more obvious factors such as attraction and communication style, here are some of the things that have really helped in relationship compatibility
We met because of motorcycles and that’s basically why we hung out for the first few months. We both were interested in each other, but didn’t want to admit it, so we used our mutual interest in motorcycles as an excuse to see each other every single weekend even if we weren’t riding.
That shared interest is really what brings people together initially in addition to physical attraction. Like if you see a really hot person on the street and start talking to them, but you’re not interested in any of the same things, where do you go from there?
At this point neither of us are crazy about riding much anymore, but we’ve learned about a lot of other things we have in common, so we’re never bored. An example of which is working out.
We work out a lot. We talk about weightlifting frequently, spend hours at the gym each day, and poke each other’s muscles when we’re sore. In addition to working out, we meal prep and cook most of our meals. We only eat out 1-4 times a month. Needless to say, we value our health and have similar perspectives on the subject.
Caring about your health the same amount or close to it, creates another piece that fits into our relationship compatibility. We’ve seen couples who don’t care about fitness or health too much and it works for them because both of them don’t care.
It’s pretty common sense. If one of us hated working out and loved trying new restaurants everyday, while the other one was in the gym every day and cooked every meal, it would probably cause some strain to our relationship compatibility.
There are other health aspects we tend to agree on as well. Mental health is just as important to us as physical health. Neither of us go to the doctor unless there is something seriously wrong that needs medical treatment.
Health is such a fundamental part of living that if you’re not in agreement regarding at least the majority of health aspects, you might have more of a difficult time finding compatibility in your relationship.
Cleanliness might not be much of a concern in a relationship until you’re living together. But at that point, it is definitely important in relationship compatibility.
We have lived with people who are not very clean and it drove us nuts. We clean the whole apartment bi-weekly and keep it tidy the rest of the time. No dishes left in the sink. Clothes are always put away or in the laundry basket. We just don’t like mess.
People do change, but if you share the same baseline of being clean, it’s helpful. Some people become busy and will let cleanliness slide. If you’re a neat freak and unaware that your significant other or even roommate is one of those people who stop cleaning when its not convenient, it’ll cause some problems.
Views on Finances
This one is kind of a given. If one of you is saving and earning, while the other is off spending money on the daily, that’s uh probably not going to go over well.
We both save as much as possible. Having money in the future is much more important to us than spending on luxury items or having stuff right now. We would rather invest and have to live like broke college students now than live like we’re rich and be in debt later. Not everyone is like that though. I can honestly say that if we didn’t share the exact same financial viewpoints, this relationship would be much harder.
Whether you care about money or not, finances are a part of your life and your relationship. If you don’t see eye to eye, it’s going to be a recurring conflict because it’s not something you can just ignore or not think about.
We’re annoying. We try not to post weird kissing photos or anything like that on Instagram because that’s obnoxious. We say “bye. I’ll miss you” when one of us leaves the room. When it’s that extreme, we’re usually joking. But we do spend a lot of time together and are affectionate. For example, as I was working on this paragraph, Evan came over and poked my arm until I hugged him.
As most people probably know from relationships that weren’t successful, if one person is extremely affectionate and the other is basically like “F off”, that’s not going to last.
I’m sure you’ve probably heard about how everyone has different love languages. That goes along with this. One time we did a quiz in one of my textbooks or something about what our love languages are. Can’t remember what they were, but at the time we were kind of like “oh, well we already show love in that way.” I guess we just figured out how to share affection in ways that made sense for each other without needing to deliberately try different things like extra gift giving, or acts of service. But if you’re not feeling like your affection is being returned in the same way, maybe analyzing your love languages could help bridge any miscommunications regarding affection and love.
These are just five of the things we’ve found have significantly impacted our relationship compatibility. As an added bonus, here are a few things that some may think affect relationship compatibility, but haven’t for us.
- Political beliefs
We have the same underlying values and are similar enough so it’s more of a healthy debate than an extreme difference in opinions on the political spectrum.
- Astrological signs
I don’t even know if our star signs are supposed to be compatible.
- Introversion and Extroversion
I need time away from people. I probably say “I hate people” at least once a day and Evan basically loves all humans. Haven’t had any issues with our differences here because we understand each other’s needs for alone time and socialization. To read more about us as an introvert and extrovert , check out this post “The Introvert Extrovert Relationship”
What makes you compatible with your significant other? What have you learned from relationships about compatibility that will help you in current or future relationships?